So on this journey of living my yoga, I’m learning how to let go of those who continuously drain energy from me, intentionally or not. I really believe most Energy Drainers are not aware of their behavior. January 2009 I ended a relationship with a man I was dating because of his constant negative energy….I realized he was so disconnected from himself that he had no idea how negative he was, to him it was “all he had been through in life” there was no desire to let go and live, he let every negative experience hang on to his soul….I can’t recall one time in our relationship that he spoke of anything positive. It became to much for my spirit and I was very honest in the end, letting him know his fear filled life and negative energy was starting to chip into my soul….and, that was not a option for me……After that relationship I made a commitment to myself not to allow folks to stay in my personal life or space if all they do is drain me dry…..family and friends, included……Needless to say in 2009 I had to say bye, bye, to a few people, not in a mean or ugly way….but with honesty and respect.
Recently I encountered a Energy Drainer (ED), like myself this ED is not from Chicago, is single and has no family here. A mutual friend thought we would hit it off and be able to hang out and do things together……..I’m always open to meeting new people so cool I thought….BUT….I realized very soon that this was not someone I wanted in my space….We headed out to a fashion art event, one evening and all this ED did was talk about every and anyone from what they were wearing, to the way they looked and walked. ED also drank way too much and began to talk louder and louder spilling over some personal pain within…..I felt bad for ED, but I excused myself and left the event almost running to the cab to escape this energy…..A few day’s later ED called and apologized for the behavior…Apologies accepted without hesitation, but my awareness was up.
I’m a loner by nature, always have been…..Even though I did not always like the time I was spending by myself…..I would often use it to put myself down and fill my soul with negative self thoughts on what I did not have, how I did not look and how everyone else was better than me….When I started on my journey, and begin to really enjoy my alone time, I began to fill that time with things and places I love to do and see. It did not happen instantly it took time, tears, and letting go of fears to get there. The need to always be around another or to get wasted drinking or puffing on cigarettes to feel good about myself began to diminish, my mood swings also began to subside. I clearly remember looking at my self in a mirror one day and admitting I really didn’t like the person that was staring back at me…..I pulled and tugged on excess body fat, I moved in close to call myself ugly and undesirable, I stood there and picked myself apart…..Nothing I saw was beautiful, it was all big fat and ugly………
It would be a long time….years…..before I stood back in that mirror, I began with the same harsh words, but this time when I was done, instead of walking away, I challenged myself to change what I did not like. I wanted to become my own best friend! I never had problems in attracting friends, I just usually attracted those that were just a messed up as myself…..low self esteem chicks, who approached the world with attitude, always gossiping and whispering about others just to make self feel good about self…..Crazy, I know, but back then that’s who I was.
This ED and I have done a few more things together and ED has attached to me…..I have the behavior of always wanting to help someone out…..Perhaps that’s why I’m a Nurse and Yoga Teacher…..But I’ve learned that I cannot heal the world or attach myself to another’s inner problems……ED, began calling me followed directly by a text and if still no answer from me…another phone call and email…..REALLY !!! I said out loud on the day I knew I had to let ED go……I had let ED get in my soul soo much that I began avoiding calls, making excuses and feeling internal guilt….NOT COOL!
As a Yoga teacher I’m always on go, I absorb energies from every student I put my hands on, and I’ve learned along the way how to balance the energies I take in from others. Now here I was letting ED frazzle my spirit…I completely forgot about a class I was subbing for, I double booked myself with friends and ending up needing to cancel out with one because of it. Last week I had to put it to rest….After gently reminding ED for the 5th time that I really don’t talk on the phone much during the week because I’m always talking to people while teaching….And when I get home its my time to unwind and be still with some inner peace and silence….ED, proceeded to call, text, call again, text and then email me all within 60 min……I’m done! I said aloud…..I never returned ED’s call, text or email…….And I have no intention to do so.
I ended up canceling all my weekend plans, I was overwhelmed and really needed some alone time……I needed to receive some good energies, so Friday morning I called my mom and was instantly soothed by the sound of her voice….Friday eve I stayed in pigged out on Sushi and called my wonderful sister and we spent three hours on the phone, laughing and chatting it up. Saturday I spent the morning with my Little Sib (mentee) being around children is always good for my soul! They put life in perspective…..After time with my mentee, I canceled my Saturday evening plans, stayed in and did a good cleaning of my place….Then I called my Pops, we talked for two hours…..My dad has a way of always making everything better!! I slept like a baby last night, and awoke this morning inspired to write on my blog!!
I share this story with you because, we must remember not to allow others to completely drain our spirits!! I find it initially difficult to let go of people that drain my energy, but I find it MUCH more difficult for me to stay focused, and continue on my journey when I allow others to overwhelm my spirit……I’m sure I will cross paths with many more ED’s on this journey, but its part of my living my yoga and being true to myself on how much and how long I allow them to grasp onto me….I’m very selective of my family, friends, and dating relationships I keep! More & more I find myself attracting and attracted to like spirits!
“I’m not being selfish by putting myself first. I’m conserving my spiritual energy” ~Yogatones~
Peace & Good Energy
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