Tri Stories: I needed to take a minute Y‘all……
Sometimes when truth about myself becomes so in my face, I gotta back up and catch my breath……I’m a extremely independent person….I remember thinking that was the best thing ever…..able to hold situations down when most would collapse, never asking for support of any kind….ya know, all that *independent* stuff……….Now, I’m a true believer in being independent, man or woman……I also know how attachment to that independence can keep me from growing, actually how it has held me back from growth at times……..
I was beginning to crash, last week…..I know the signs all to well, the difference is I now listen and respond accordingly. Though my yoga and cardio are solid, my mediation was getting shorter and shorter in time…..a few times while sitting in meditation, I was thinking about when to come out….NOT good…so much was going on, this swim has me in a bit of a tizzy and I have some serious work to do but I feel a bit lost on which way to go…..ArrrrrGGhhhHH!! YUP, that’s how last week began, as it all began to catch up with me…….sigh……A dear friend would gently say to me, “you need to take a step back” , “ask for help’, and “let others do that”, “BUT, you gotta ASK!”…….UuuggghhhhhhHH!! “Toni, take a break”, were my friends final words on the subject. Hands down I’m one of the most stubborn people you’ll ever meet, it works for me sometimes and not so much other times…….I stand strong on my final answers, though I remain open to other views and suggestions . I’m not good at asking for help, BUT I’m learning that sometimes help is exactly what I need.
Running and biking have been FABulous! I’m loving the outdoor running, lately I‘ve been running in my hood……it’s nice to run around and check out what’s new in the hood, smell the different aromas from all of the nearby restaurants and coffee shops….all mixed in with, car exhaust, bus & train fumes and the ever so lovely smell of the city dump truck…..YUM! Nothin’ smells better than the city……Lol!! Simply stated I’ve been KILLIN’ it on the bike, I did about 50-55 miles this week, that’s good but, still kinda low for me I was doing that in one long ride…..Lol….that’s what I’m working towards! Seriously though, swimming is the only thing that has me thinking’ and attaching. I finally made it to the swim training class Thursday, I didn’t sleep well the night before, I’ve been way to attached to this swimming, I mean really, really, attached….
Monica & Antonie were the two swim coaches, I was in Monica’s group……Me, Todd & Tom, the three T’s we’d laughed. Monica starts us off with drills…….I’m gonna skip all the details, I’m not up for revisiting it in detail, let’s just say it was NOT nice……ugghhh…..I was lost, my kicks were weak, I kept stopping, I learned a few things, all in one hour…….here’s just a few;
1. I kick with straight legs “bend your knees Toni” is all I kept hearing……
2. “Toni, don’t stop”…..Grrrr….don’t stop? don’t stop? I’m TIRED CHICA!! I’d press on.
3. “Toni turn your entire body” Instead of bringing my head & shoulders up to high….Grrr….“K” I say internally thinking ?the? Is she talkin’ about…..GRRRR!
4. “Toni slow down” RELAX……I REALLY was tryin’……REALLY…..
5. “Toni you’re a yoga teacher, you know how to relax” !?WHAT?! Ummm, yea, and I’m human too, I think to myself…..
6 “Toni SWEEP the water”……(me) K…..?!?….
I’ll stop here ‘cause this is where the melt down began to creep up on me……At this point, I’m no longer doing the drills Todd, and Tom are doing…..Nooooo……I’m getting’ the beginners special…..Ughhhh…….OK, I’m all about learning and taking the time to learn, but I’ve been totally overwhelmed lately and was feeling extra sensitive on Thursday. As I head out for my next lap, I began to fatigue and stop mid way, I hear Monica’s voice “Toni don’t stop”, I dip back in only to stop again…..”this SHAT is hard” I mumble to myself, or so I think…..Lol…..I hear Monica let out a hearty LAUGH!! Oooops, lol….I turn around and she’ dead on me, I laugh too…Then I ask Monica the question I now know I didn’t want the answer too…..”Will I be ready for August?” I blurt out, immediately regretting that I asked. Truth is I will be ready, and the need to ask another’s opinion on MY OWN abilities, was loud and clear to me that I needed to get my spirit & soul in check……Balance……Balance……Balance…..I never ask anyone about MY abilities to accomplish something…….I know that answer…
Monica is a awesome swim teacher, I really appreciated her upfront honest words……she was there to teach me how to swim. She has a heavy accent, I want to say it’s Russian, normally I would’ve asked, but I was so caught up in my head, I couldn’t form a question….YUP. Anywhoo, as the last word left my lips there was a short pause and Monica looked me dead in the eyes and asked “do you want me to lie to you?” DANG! is all that went through my mind, I’m not sure I even answered her, I think I may have blacked out….Lol….I’m laughin’ now but, in that moment there was nothing’ giggle worthy about those words. I totally froze up within’, I began to loose all confidence in my swim abilities……I should have never come to this class, I was doing well by myself, I think in a moment of pure fear……my body was tired, my mind was tired and my spirit off balanced…………I make it back to the top of the drill and just start crying, I tried to hold it in, I even mixed pool water with the tears so no one would notice…….I was DONE…….we had fifteen minutes left to class, I wanted to leave, but I didn’t want to quit….instead I pull together, glance around the space, all five lanes were being used, people of all ages & levels learning how to improve there swim. Monica interrupts my thoughts with “you have a lot of work to do”, “if you commit to practicing you’ll be ready.” “Thanks Monica” I say.
Like I’ve said before I’m growing and this training has brought me face to face with things I need to address in order to grow, and even when I’m resisting the growth, I remain committed to the training process and all that it shall bring upon me. I absorb what Monica said and finish the remaining class time. Antonie stops me on my way out of the pool, “nice, job”, “you looked much stronger in the end” he say’s….”thanks“, this was a eye opener” I respond, “yea, but you keep practicing these drills you’ll be fine”, he adds “besides, you can swim and you can tread water, you’ll make it through the tri for sure”. That made me relax a bit…….Oh, Monica suggested I swim on Sun, Tues, & Thurs (swim class)……I went Sunday & Today, it feels like I’m starting from scratch, I’m tryin’ my best to embrace it…..both swims I focused on the drills they gave me, I’m not feeling particularly good or bad about the swims, I’ll see them on Thursday!
Meditation, is my second breath…….when I get scattered with my meditation, things begin to come undone rather quickly!! Each day I began to take the extra minutes I needed in my day, from my inner time. I can’t say I didn’t notice, because I did but I was caught up with strengthening the mental and physical body, that I began ignoring my spiritual body…….Balance…..balance…….balance…… Thursday’s swim opened my eyes, no time is more necessary to me than my time within’, I MUST honor that! Thurs-Monday, I did nothing work related, NOTHING! I rode my bike for miles and miles, soaking up the sun, flowing with my spirit. I spent time with lovely peeps, I enjoyed my daily meditations, on the lake, in the park, in my place…..wherever…..I just make sure I sit within’ for a while DAILY……no short cuts…..
I’m still feeling Meh…..this swim is the real deal, and I have a few other things that have my attention. “I will keep balance“, is my mantra. I’m lovin’ all the Chi-city sun and sweet temps……Right on time!
YUP, I needed to take a minute Y’all…..
Peace,
T
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| Go within' |
Sometimes when truth about myself becomes so in my face, I gotta back up and catch my breath……I’m a extremely independent person….I remember thinking that was the best thing ever…..able to hold situations down when most would collapse, never asking for support of any kind….ya know, all that *independent* stuff……….Now, I’m a true believer in being independent, man or woman……I also know how attachment to that independence can keep me from growing, actually how it has held me back from growth at times……..
 |
| I needed to balance the chakras |
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| Do It |
Monica & Antonie were the two swim coaches, I was in Monica’s group……Me, Todd & Tom, the three T’s we’d laughed. Monica starts us off with drills…….I’m gonna skip all the details, I’m not up for revisiting it in detail, let’s just say it was NOT nice……ugghhh…..I was lost, my kicks were weak, I kept stopping, I learned a few things, all in one hour…….here’s just a few;
1. I kick with straight legs “bend your knees Toni” is all I kept hearing……
2. “Toni, don’t stop”…..Grrrr….don’t stop? don’t stop? I’m TIRED CHICA!! I’d press on.
3. “Toni turn your entire body” Instead of bringing my head & shoulders up to high….Grrr….“K” I say internally thinking ?the? Is she talkin’ about…..GRRRR!
4. “Toni slow down” RELAX……I REALLY was tryin’……REALLY…..
5. “Toni you’re a yoga teacher, you know how to relax” !?WHAT?! Ummm, yea, and I’m human too, I think to myself…..
6 “Toni SWEEP the water”……(me) K…..?!?….
 |
| Embrace |
I’ll stop here ‘cause this is where the melt down began to creep up on me……At this point, I’m no longer doing the drills Todd, and Tom are doing…..Nooooo……I’m getting’ the beginners special…..Ughhhh…….OK, I’m all about learning and taking the time to learn, but I’ve been totally overwhelmed lately and was feeling extra sensitive on Thursday. As I head out for my next lap, I began to fatigue and stop mid way, I hear Monica’s voice “Toni don’t stop”, I dip back in only to stop again…..”this SHAT is hard” I mumble to myself, or so I think…..Lol…..I hear Monica let out a hearty LAUGH!! Oooops, lol….I turn around and she’ dead on me, I laugh too…Then I ask Monica the question I now know I didn’t want the answer too…..”Will I be ready for August?” I blurt out, immediately regretting that I asked. Truth is I will be ready, and the need to ask another’s opinion on MY OWN abilities, was loud and clear to me that I needed to get my spirit & soul in check……Balance……Balance……Balance…..I never ask anyone about MY abilities to accomplish something…….I know that answer…
 |
| Peace |
Monica is a awesome swim teacher, I really appreciated her upfront honest words……she was there to teach me how to swim. She has a heavy accent, I want to say it’s Russian, normally I would’ve asked, but I was so caught up in my head, I couldn’t form a question….YUP. Anywhoo, as the last word left my lips there was a short pause and Monica looked me dead in the eyes and asked “do you want me to lie to you?” DANG! is all that went through my mind, I’m not sure I even answered her, I think I may have blacked out….Lol….I’m laughin’ now but, in that moment there was nothing’ giggle worthy about those words. I totally froze up within’, I began to loose all confidence in my swim abilities……I should have never come to this class, I was doing well by myself, I think in a moment of pure fear……my body was tired, my mind was tired and my spirit off balanced…………I make it back to the top of the drill and just start crying, I tried to hold it in, I even mixed pool water with the tears so no one would notice…….I was DONE…….we had fifteen minutes left to class, I wanted to leave, but I didn’t want to quit….instead I pull together, glance around the space, all five lanes were being used, people of all ages & levels learning how to improve there swim. Monica interrupts my thoughts with “you have a lot of work to do”, “if you commit to practicing you’ll be ready.” “Thanks Monica” I say.
I’m the person that helps those in need, and I love that, but what I’m finding out about myself is, I’m not the person who asks for help……sigh……I’m not talking major help, I’m talking about simple things that I’ve learned people have been wanting to do, the kind of things that make ya feel loved……..I’ve become so darn independent that I let that slip away……No more! I’m learning how to receive as freely as I give……..It feels GOOD my spirit is lovin’ the release!
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| Release |
Like I’ve said before I’m growing and this training has brought me face to face with things I need to address in order to grow, and even when I’m resisting the growth, I remain committed to the training process and all that it shall bring upon me. I absorb what Monica said and finish the remaining class time. Antonie stops me on my way out of the pool, “nice, job”, “you looked much stronger in the end” he say’s….”thanks“, this was a eye opener” I respond, “yea, but you keep practicing these drills you’ll be fine”, he adds “besides, you can swim and you can tread water, you’ll make it through the tri for sure”. That made me relax a bit…….Oh, Monica suggested I swim on Sun, Tues, & Thurs (swim class)……I went Sunday & Today, it feels like I’m starting from scratch, I’m tryin’ my best to embrace it…..both swims I focused on the drills they gave me, I’m not feeling particularly good or bad about the swims, I’ll see them on Thursday!
 |
| Relax |
Meditation, is my second breath…….when I get scattered with my meditation, things begin to come undone rather quickly!! Each day I began to take the extra minutes I needed in my day, from my inner time. I can’t say I didn’t notice, because I did but I was caught up with strengthening the mental and physical body, that I began ignoring my spiritual body…….Balance…..balance…….balance…… Thursday’s swim opened my eyes, no time is more necessary to me than my time within’, I MUST honor that! Thurs-Monday, I did nothing work related, NOTHING! I rode my bike for miles and miles, soaking up the sun, flowing with my spirit. I spent time with lovely peeps, I enjoyed my daily meditations, on the lake, in the park, in my place…..wherever…..I just make sure I sit within’ for a while DAILY……no short cuts…..
I’m still feeling Meh…..this swim is the real deal, and I have a few other things that have my attention. “I will keep balance“, is my mantra. I’m lovin’ all the Chi-city sun and sweet temps……Right on time!
YUP, I needed to take a minute Y’all…..
 |
| Peace, Love & Taking a minute Y'all |
Peace,
T
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