I’ve spent the majority of my life volunteering in some way …..I remember volunteering at Yale New Haven Hospital at 13 yrs old ( candy striper ), I would volunteer their until I was 16. I then moved onto day care centers, schools, special Olympics, and any and everything in between. So the idea of giving 29 gifts seemed like no big deal…….Well, this has to be one of the most difficult challenges I’ve put myself through, not in a bad way….just really challenging. I started this challenge thinking that the gift giving would be easy, and I’ve quickly come to realize it’s not that easy! I laugh at myself for the arrogance I put into the giving….Oh no big deal, I love to give, I’ll give this, that, oh yeah, and that…….Nooooope!
When I decided to take on this challenge giving from a place of self awareness was number one on my list…..What I’m realizing is just because I’m aware it does not mean I’m being authentic with my giving…..Yep, AUTHENTIC……I’m only 11 day’s into the give, and giving with awarness has allowed me to realize if my gifts are authentic…In authentic I mean, giving a gift from the heart versus giving because the day is winding down and I have not given…..Arrrrgghh! I was so not expecting this, but it hit me dead in the heart one day last week when I gave. The day was long, I was tired, and as I hopped on my bike to head home for the eve, I realized I had not given a gift for the day…dang it! So now what….I’ll tell you what, I hopped off my bike and I gave the most non authentic gift! I was aware that it was not authentic, but…..I was tired…..this gift disturbed me the entire ride home, with each peddle I became so irritated within. By the time I locked up my bike I was so annoyed with myself that instead of going inside to my apartment I took a walk, no destination, I was tired, annoyed and walking. During my walk, my true authentic gift for the day approached me, just like that, I was aware and I was giving from a place of complete authenticity! I headed home walking slowly, a little overwhelmed and a little ashamed, BUT with a valuable lesson learned.
No matter what you do in life, giving, receiving, whatever, it should be done not only from a place of awareness but it must be authentic! I’m really enjoying this challenge, the verbal and non-verbal responses I’m receiving from people is allowing me to become more aware of my interactions with people as a whole. I questioned myself that day, “why are you really doing this“, “what are you looking to gain from this” I was starting to feel and realize I was making this all about me….giving from a non authentic place is not cool I said to myself….Sure I want to complete this challenge and be able to pat myself on the back for its completion ( whatever ). I now realize it’s so much larger than that! Every person I give to I’m affecting their day and ultimately their life in some small or large manner, and the energy and authenticity I put into their gift will also affect them….maybe not in a obvious or immediate way, but in the journey of life we are all affected by what we give and what we receive, how we behave and how we respond to each other……..I don’t know, perhaps I’m looking into this a little to deep, but that day left me questioning myself and my true authentic reasons for taking on this challenge.
I approached my yoga mat this morning with all of my gifts on my mind, I meditated on my awareness and authenticity….I moved through my practice making sure to include some extra heart opening asanas, rounding things out with Handstand - ( Adho Mukha Vrksasana ) I absolutely love inversions, they bring me back into balance, clears my mind from all the chatter that begins to cloud my authentic self, allowing me to let go of thoughts and feelings that bring fear and insecurity into place which will ultimately slow me down….As I laid in savasana I felt a gentle peace wash over me……Oh yea, that‘s the good stuff yoga brings!
Week two of my 29 Gifts challenge….BRING IT!! I’m ready to give from a place of awareness AND authenticity…..I’ve given my gift for today, and let me just say, the young man’s reaction confirmed it was a very authentic gift given from the heart and with complete awarness!
What am I looking to get from this challenging, I ask myself again…..NOTHING….but I’m loving how much I’m learning about myself and my behaviors toward others……..
An authentic life is the most personal form of worship, we will not grow, and we will not achieve authentic discovery, if we simply live a neutral existence. ~Yogatones~
Peace & Authenticity
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